I am normally a critic of what Dr. William Larkin calls the “arrogant pessimism” of Reformed spirituality. When I hear people speak in the vein of Derek Webb that “The reason I struggle with this is because I really don’t believe the gospel,” or sometimes even “The thing is that I hate the gospel,” I think, “If you don’t believe the gospel, or you hate it, what makes you think you’re a Christian?” Perhaps the solution to this is that sometimes we disbelieve and hate the gospel in micro ways, while still believing it in a macro way. I’m borrowing that concept from Tim Keller, who says that those who break out of the “Teacher paradigm” into the “Redeemer paradigm” still live out of the teacher paradigm in micro ways, though they are operating in the Redeemer paradigm in a macro way.
Perhaps one of the favorite texts of pessimistic Reformed spirituality is Isaiah 64:6, which says, “We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.” Though I agree that sometimes our efforts at righteousness are not very righteous, I think it is an overstatement to say that this verse is descriptive of all our good deeds all the time. One verse that comes to mind that presents our righteous deeds in a different light is Revelation 19:7b-8, which says,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"—
for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
That passage is the polar opposite of a “polluted garment,” especially since the Hebrew behind that phrase literally means “menstrual cloths.” It’s interesting that the fine linen of the bride, or rather the privilege of clothing herself with it, is something that “was granted to her to clothe herself.” Even the righteous deeds are from the grace of God.
In any case, yesterday I felt Isaiah 64:6 when I tried to do a charitable deed. I have been going with a colleague from school and a couple of students to serve breakfast to homeless people in Charlotte. A group of people from Calvary church have been doing this for years, and my coworker had been asking me to come along for a year or so, but I didn’t actually do it until these two students got fired up about it, and I realized I should stop being lazy and get involved. After a few weeks, when I saw that some of them had bikes, I realized it might be good to bring a pump, some oil, and some tools to help them tune up their bikes. Last Saturday, I worked on the bike of a white guy named Mike, but I ran out of oil and had forgotten my pump. I realized that several other guys had bikes, but I had nothing left to work on them with. I tend to be pretty self-conscious and concerned about how I’m coming across, and I feared that maybe the other guys thought I was being racist by only working on the bike of the white guy.
So this week, I was determined that I would remember the pump and oil the chains of everyone’s bikes. When we got there, I saw two bikes on the side of the road, and after waiting a few minutes and asking a few guys if they knew who owned it, I decided to just go up and start oiling the chain. When I finished, I went to the other one, and pumped up the tire. As I finished, a guy walked up to me yelling, “Get your white a** off my sh*t!” He might have dropped a few mofos too. I was somewhat taken aback, but a guy standing nearby said, “You’re trying to do something nice, and he has no appreciation; that’s not right.” Then another guy came up to me and said “You were doing right, and most people would appreciate it, but realize that these guys aren’t like most people.” As I thought about it, I realized it was quite selfish of me to just presume that these guys would welcome a stranger messing with what was probably one of their only possessions. I realized that I would rather have helped those guys by working on their bikes than have them use my stuff to work on them themselves, because in my selfish overprotection of my mammon I would fear their running off with my bike pump. It was the exact same mindset that made me help them the way I did that made them defensive about my working on their stuff. I had to ask forgiveness for the selfish way I was attempting to do something good.
As I thought about it more, I realized this was a microcosm of the Iraq war, at least as I understand it. We are trying to do something good for people we think need democracy, and we are probably right in that, but if they have not asked us for this “help” (which I suppose might be debatable), it is patronizing or even insulting to take the initiative to “give” them democracy. I guess now the issue is whether I will adjust my strategy, or just “send more troops.” I am thinking that next week I will take the pump and the oil, but I will offer to let them use them rather than doing it without asking or even asking them if they would like me to do it for them. If the same guys are there, I will also apologize profusely for my presumption and patronizing attitude toward these men.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Thursday, June 15, 2006
June 15 2006
I am not sure what this will be about, but I felt like adding to the blog. That "church shopping" entry is getting old. I am taking it pretty easy these days, probably more than I should be. I have some work to do this summer, reading five books and writing a paper on my philosophy of education. I have no clue. I wanted to take a class this summer, but I could not afford it. Maybe I should not have bought that television and ordered digital cable, but I probably won't be saying that when the Tour de France is on every day next month. I also need to prepare curriculum for next school year, and I have not started on that yet. I will be teaching Genesis through Ruth and the life of Paul, which I am hoping to turn into Acts-Revelation. I need so much time to prepare for these things.
Today I was planning to do some editing on Justin Griffin's paper/book, but I ran out of time. I went and played disc golf with Thomas at Winthrop Lake. I shot 66 last time, but 75 or 76 this time. We played with a guy named Kenneth, who was better than us, with a full bag of discs.
What I was really looking forward to was riding bike with the group led by Carl from a church on the road to York. It was a good ride, but there was more traffic and more dogs than are fun to deal with. But I guess that keeps it interesting. One dog almost ran right into my front wheel. After the halfway point, three of us rode off the front, and were cruising right along, kind of trading turns at the front. The other guys' names were Rick and Hans. They were both a little faster than me, when it came down to a hill after 5 or so miles, and the hard part to take is that they were both at least 20 years older than I, Hans probably 40 years older than I am. But he is Dutch, so I guess being good at riding a bike is in his blood, right? I rode out to the meeting place, and back, so the ride wound up as 67 kilometers for me, in 2 hours, 18 minutes. Not bad, considering all the stop signs and regroupings, and considering my legs were sore from playing soccer Tuesday night in my too small cleats.
I am listening to John Piper's biographical message on Adoniram Judson, and he is throwing it down! I wish I had the spiritual and theological balls that he has. Yes, I said that. He is talking about the invincible purpose of God to spread the gospel of the glory of Christ among all nations and result in churches that bring cultures to obedience to King Jesus. And God's plan to bring this about through the sufferings of his ministers, like Adoniram Judson, like Paul, and like Jesus for that matter.
I am often thinking about whether the Christian faith is so doctrinal, authoritative, and absolute truth-based, when I read the growing testimony and thinking of post-modern minded believers. I definitely lean toward thinking it is absolute and unchanging, the "faith that was once for all delivered to the saints," which Jude tells us "contend for" (1:3). The thing that makes me second guess it is the often persuasive arguments and perspectives of those who claim that Christ and the faith are opposed to much of the dogmatizing in the history of Christianity. The latest thing that has me thinking this is a comment in the blog http://polyesterpixiesundertheprayerrug.blogspot.com/, about literalism, from May 30. I met d. in the Orchard, the fan community of Over the Rhine. Another source that has me thinking along such lines is the book The Last Word: Beyond the Bible Wars to a New Understanding of the Authority of Scripture, by N.T. Wright, Bishop of Durham, and former professor of New Testament at Oxford or Cambridge. His basic point is that Scripture has historically, when understood correctly, functioned authoritatively in the church not as a sourcebook for prooftexts for doctrinal disputes, but as the story that orders our lives and mission in the church. That means for today that we are to be about God's work in the world of proclaiming redemption in Christ that will ultimately result in the renewal of all things, which is about what he says in the book. I agree with that for the most part, but I think it can result in vagueness, and that the Bible gives us more details than that, frankly. I think we need to believe those things too.
Piper just told the story about Judson's conversion and encounters with Jacob Eames(sp?). INCREDIBLE stuff. Wow!
I have been pondering the relationship of the teaching and examples in the later parts of the canon of the Hebrew Scriptures and the religious situation of Judaism at the time of Christ. I started thinking about this, I guess, when I questioned the practice of the "See you at the pole" prayer event at our school (and many schools across the nation) that happens every fall. It is an event that encourages students to pray around the flagpoles in front of their schools. The reason I questioned the practice is because it seems that prayer is performed in front of the flagpole in order for people passing by to see it. I asked whether this was a reason we are told to pray in the Bible, and I read to my students what Jesus said in Matthew 6:5-6, "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." I know the flagpole event does not (hopefully) encourage public prayer for self-righteous attention-getting, but rather example-setting. But I wonder whether prayer is supposed to be for setting an example and making a statement. One of my students protested, "But Daniel prayed in front of his open window where people could see him." She and the other members of the student government had just heard teaching on this from one of the other Bible teachers on a weekend retreat. I am so glad she said that, and that one of my other students (when I continually questioned the practice), said I was only looking at the negative side of things, ignoring the good that could come from such public prayer.
When I thought of the example of Daniel (Daniel 6), I considered that maybe the practice of pious Jews praying in public started when the Jewish exiles, or returnees, heard the story about Daniel standing up for what was right publicly, and in an effort to follow that righteous example, the practice slowly degenerated into self-righteous spiritual swagger. Perhaps it ended up with Pharisees in the time of Christ doing things like this:
Today I was planning to do some editing on Justin Griffin's paper/book, but I ran out of time. I went and played disc golf with Thomas at Winthrop Lake. I shot 66 last time, but 75 or 76 this time. We played with a guy named Kenneth, who was better than us, with a full bag of discs.
What I was really looking forward to was riding bike with the group led by Carl from a church on the road to York. It was a good ride, but there was more traffic and more dogs than are fun to deal with. But I guess that keeps it interesting. One dog almost ran right into my front wheel. After the halfway point, three of us rode off the front, and were cruising right along, kind of trading turns at the front. The other guys' names were Rick and Hans. They were both a little faster than me, when it came down to a hill after 5 or so miles, and the hard part to take is that they were both at least 20 years older than I, Hans probably 40 years older than I am. But he is Dutch, so I guess being good at riding a bike is in his blood, right? I rode out to the meeting place, and back, so the ride wound up as 67 kilometers for me, in 2 hours, 18 minutes. Not bad, considering all the stop signs and regroupings, and considering my legs were sore from playing soccer Tuesday night in my too small cleats.
I am listening to John Piper's biographical message on Adoniram Judson, and he is throwing it down! I wish I had the spiritual and theological balls that he has. Yes, I said that. He is talking about the invincible purpose of God to spread the gospel of the glory of Christ among all nations and result in churches that bring cultures to obedience to King Jesus. And God's plan to bring this about through the sufferings of his ministers, like Adoniram Judson, like Paul, and like Jesus for that matter.
I am often thinking about whether the Christian faith is so doctrinal, authoritative, and absolute truth-based, when I read the growing testimony and thinking of post-modern minded believers. I definitely lean toward thinking it is absolute and unchanging, the "faith that was once for all delivered to the saints," which Jude tells us "contend for" (1:3). The thing that makes me second guess it is the often persuasive arguments and perspectives of those who claim that Christ and the faith are opposed to much of the dogmatizing in the history of Christianity. The latest thing that has me thinking this is a comment in the blog http://polyesterpixiesundertheprayerrug.blogspot.com/, about literalism, from May 30. I met d. in the Orchard, the fan community of Over the Rhine. Another source that has me thinking along such lines is the book The Last Word: Beyond the Bible Wars to a New Understanding of the Authority of Scripture, by N.T. Wright, Bishop of Durham, and former professor of New Testament at Oxford or Cambridge. His basic point is that Scripture has historically, when understood correctly, functioned authoritatively in the church not as a sourcebook for prooftexts for doctrinal disputes, but as the story that orders our lives and mission in the church. That means for today that we are to be about God's work in the world of proclaiming redemption in Christ that will ultimately result in the renewal of all things, which is about what he says in the book. I agree with that for the most part, but I think it can result in vagueness, and that the Bible gives us more details than that, frankly. I think we need to believe those things too.
Piper just told the story about Judson's conversion and encounters with Jacob Eames(sp?). INCREDIBLE stuff. Wow!
I have been pondering the relationship of the teaching and examples in the later parts of the canon of the Hebrew Scriptures and the religious situation of Judaism at the time of Christ. I started thinking about this, I guess, when I questioned the practice of the "See you at the pole" prayer event at our school (and many schools across the nation) that happens every fall. It is an event that encourages students to pray around the flagpoles in front of their schools. The reason I questioned the practice is because it seems that prayer is performed in front of the flagpole in order for people passing by to see it. I asked whether this was a reason we are told to pray in the Bible, and I read to my students what Jesus said in Matthew 6:5-6, "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." I know the flagpole event does not (hopefully) encourage public prayer for self-righteous attention-getting, but rather example-setting. But I wonder whether prayer is supposed to be for setting an example and making a statement. One of my students protested, "But Daniel prayed in front of his open window where people could see him." She and the other members of the student government had just heard teaching on this from one of the other Bible teachers on a weekend retreat. I am so glad she said that, and that one of my other students (when I continually questioned the practice), said I was only looking at the negative side of things, ignoring the good that could come from such public prayer.
When I thought of the example of Daniel (Daniel 6), I considered that maybe the practice of pious Jews praying in public started when the Jewish exiles, or returnees, heard the story about Daniel standing up for what was right publicly, and in an effort to follow that righteous example, the practice slowly degenerated into self-righteous spiritual swagger. Perhaps it ended up with Pharisees in the time of Christ doing things like this:
10"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed (or "standing, prayed to himself") thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.'"
I have been thinking this especially since I read through Chronicles, which was traditionally believed to have been written by Ezra, I think. I have been using the book The Literary Structure of the Old Testament by David Dorsey, to help me understand how the books fit together. His analysis highlights sections that talk about the central role of the Priests and Levites in the history of Israel and Judah, particularly, as an encouragement (supposedly) to the Jews returning from exile to support the work of rebuilding the temple and establishing the worship led by the Priests and Levites. Did that lead to the exaltation of Jewish religious leaders so that by the time of Jesus, they wielded excessive authority over the Jewish people? More on that later.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Church shopping
I have always kind of prided myself on not being having a consumer mindset when it comes to churches and which one I am part of. Over the past few months, however, I have realized that it is only because I have been part of the same church all my 27 years. I moved to Rock Hill, SC from Columbia last August, and since then I have been looking around for a church to be part of. Most Sundays I have been to Westminster Presbyterian, which is connected with the school I work for and where many of my students attend. I like the church, and felt welcomed by the people there when I first attended. I am frequently encouraged and challenged by the preaching, and the music is very well done in both contemporary and traditional services. The reason I have not joined is because I would like to look around and experiment with other styles and traditions to see if I might find a place where I can thrive more than in the Presbyterian setting I am used to. Also, I would prefer to be part of a group that is not so big; Westminster has close to 2000 members. I also prefer traditional worship, and to attend the class for single adults I have to worship in the contemporary service.
So far, my efforts to look around at other churches have not been very successful or profitable. For a while toward the end of the calendar year, I was not even waking up in time Sunday mornings to make it to church. Since then, I have attended First Baptist, Christ Episcopal in Charlotte, and today I went to First Associate Reformed Presbyterian downtown. I appreciated things about all of those, and the Sunday School at First Baptist seemed extremely vibrant and active, but I did not quite fit in any of those others, sometimes because I was not wearing a jacket (and I don't own one). I guess my desire for traditional worship will have to wait until my budget will allow me such highbrow tastes.
If I could be totally consumerish about it, I would probably go to the Sovereign Grace ministries group up in north Charlotte, because I think I agree with their beliefs and practices more than anyone else, and I imagine I would be challenged to grow in my faith there in a way that would be meaningful and persuasive to me more than anywhere else. That group combines reformed theology with charismatic freedom and expression in worship, which sometimes makes me uncomfortable, but I think it is how it is supposed to be. The reason I do not attend there is because it is a 30 minute or more drive, and I can't justify that ecologically, and my car would probably break down sooner with that kind of weekly driving. I also attended a Christmas music presentation at an Evangelical Free church in Charlotte, but I have not been there on Sunday morning yet.
I would still like to, and have said that I would, attend Christ Ridge Presbyterian, where one of my students' dad is pastor, and I have heard the big Belcher is there sometimes. Also the Free Methodist church that is across the street, and West End, where many of my students attend. I would also like to go back and be present for a complete service at Ebenezer Presbyterian, where my roommate is youth pastor. This process has definitely helped me tone down some of my narrow beliefs that have shaky biblical grounds, and look for the beliefs I have in common with other traditions.
So far, my efforts to look around at other churches have not been very successful or profitable. For a while toward the end of the calendar year, I was not even waking up in time Sunday mornings to make it to church. Since then, I have attended First Baptist, Christ Episcopal in Charlotte, and today I went to First Associate Reformed Presbyterian downtown. I appreciated things about all of those, and the Sunday School at First Baptist seemed extremely vibrant and active, but I did not quite fit in any of those others, sometimes because I was not wearing a jacket (and I don't own one). I guess my desire for traditional worship will have to wait until my budget will allow me such highbrow tastes.
If I could be totally consumerish about it, I would probably go to the Sovereign Grace ministries group up in north Charlotte, because I think I agree with their beliefs and practices more than anyone else, and I imagine I would be challenged to grow in my faith there in a way that would be meaningful and persuasive to me more than anywhere else. That group combines reformed theology with charismatic freedom and expression in worship, which sometimes makes me uncomfortable, but I think it is how it is supposed to be. The reason I do not attend there is because it is a 30 minute or more drive, and I can't justify that ecologically, and my car would probably break down sooner with that kind of weekly driving. I also attended a Christmas music presentation at an Evangelical Free church in Charlotte, but I have not been there on Sunday morning yet.
I would still like to, and have said that I would, attend Christ Ridge Presbyterian, where one of my students' dad is pastor, and I have heard the big Belcher is there sometimes. Also the Free Methodist church that is across the street, and West End, where many of my students attend. I would also like to go back and be present for a complete service at Ebenezer Presbyterian, where my roommate is youth pastor. This process has definitely helped me tone down some of my narrow beliefs that have shaky biblical grounds, and look for the beliefs I have in common with other traditions.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Waiting for God
I have been teaching my students Psalm 130 for the past few weeks, and a question that I suppose I have always had has arisen. Is God's forgiveness something we have to wait for? The Psalm says:
A Song of Ascents.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
2 O Lord, hear my voice!Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.
7 O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
7 O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
8 And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
After the psalmist acknowledges that there is forgiveness with God, he says that he waits for God. What is he waiting for? I guess this has long been a concept I don't really understand. What does it mean to wait for God? I don't think it is referring to His coming, as in the advent of the Messiah, or the second coming of Christ. The context seems to suggest that it is expecting and looking forward to God's working in our lives and souls, and specifically forgiving our sins. But I have usually thought of forgiveness as an instantaneous thing, that we confess and are forgiven and can move on. Perhaps the Roman Catholic teaching of penance is more in accord with this.
I know this was an important passage for Luther, and he even wrote a hymn about it, but I do not have access to his commentaries or lectures on Psalms. I have also heard that John Owen wrote 320 pages on this Psalm, and he was anything but Catholic. I gave this question to my students today as a journal entry, but I was afraid to open it up to much discussion because I am still so confused about it myself and I am somewhat afraid to make myself and the students vulnerable. I need to open up more to the Spirit in my teaching. I also realized my own tendency to question church practices that I do not like, as today I was questioning the emphasis on quick decisions for Christ and simple presentations of the gospel. I ought to be quicker to question my own actions and practices.
After the psalmist acknowledges that there is forgiveness with God, he says that he waits for God. What is he waiting for? I guess this has long been a concept I don't really understand. What does it mean to wait for God? I don't think it is referring to His coming, as in the advent of the Messiah, or the second coming of Christ. The context seems to suggest that it is expecting and looking forward to God's working in our lives and souls, and specifically forgiving our sins. But I have usually thought of forgiveness as an instantaneous thing, that we confess and are forgiven and can move on. Perhaps the Roman Catholic teaching of penance is more in accord with this.
I know this was an important passage for Luther, and he even wrote a hymn about it, but I do not have access to his commentaries or lectures on Psalms. I have also heard that John Owen wrote 320 pages on this Psalm, and he was anything but Catholic. I gave this question to my students today as a journal entry, but I was afraid to open it up to much discussion because I am still so confused about it myself and I am somewhat afraid to make myself and the students vulnerable. I need to open up more to the Spirit in my teaching. I also realized my own tendency to question church practices that I do not like, as today I was questioning the emphasis on quick decisions for Christ and simple presentations of the gospel. I ought to be quicker to question my own actions and practices.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
My not so new job
This is the first time I have written since I started my job teaching Bible in a Christian School in Rock Hill. The name of the school is Westminster Catawba Christian School, and I really enjoy my job and the students and other people involved with the school. Teaching the Bible is a dream of a job for me, because studying the Bible is my favorite thing to do, pretty much, and that is what I get to do for this job, whether it is preparing lessons, answering a student's question, or grading a test, it all comes back to what does the Bible say, and I love to ponder that question with careful reading and thinking. Sometimes I grow tired of this work, though, when I am not sleeping enough, or not exercising enough, and I have no social life outside of lunch in the cafeteria and showing my roommate and his girlfriend the latest organic treasures I have purchased at the grocery store. I think I would have a social life, just maybe, if I did not spend my spare time online wasting time and life. I need to go get ready for tomorrow and Friday's school, and maybe I will have time to make it to see Tom play in Charlotte tonight. I don't know if anyone ever reads this, but if so, I hope you are doing well.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Split Infinitives
For a long time, I was feeling ashamed of the fact that I included several blatant split infinitives in my master's degree thesis. Then I read this:
The split infinitive was discovered and named in the 19th century. 19th century writers seem to have made greater use of this construction than earlier writers; the frequency of the occurrence attracted the disapproving attention of grammarians, many of whom thought it to be a modern corruption. The construction had in fact been in occasional use since the 14th century; only its frequency had changed. Even though there has never been a rational basis for objecting to the split infinitive, the subject has become a fixture of folk belief about grammar. You can hardly publish a sentence containing one without hearing about it from somebody. Modern commentators know the split infinitive is not a vice, but they are loath to drop such a popular subject. They usu. say it's all right to split an infinitive in the interest of clarity. Since clarity is the usual reason for splitting, this advice means merely that you can split them whenever you need to (Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed., 1136).
I think all the split infinitives in my thesis came when I was preoccupied with the order of the words in the Hebrew text I was translating. "Folk belief about grammar!" Enough of this needless shame!
The split infinitive was discovered and named in the 19th century. 19th century writers seem to have made greater use of this construction than earlier writers; the frequency of the occurrence attracted the disapproving attention of grammarians, many of whom thought it to be a modern corruption. The construction had in fact been in occasional use since the 14th century; only its frequency had changed. Even though there has never been a rational basis for objecting to the split infinitive, the subject has become a fixture of folk belief about grammar. You can hardly publish a sentence containing one without hearing about it from somebody. Modern commentators know the split infinitive is not a vice, but they are loath to drop such a popular subject. They usu. say it's all right to split an infinitive in the interest of clarity. Since clarity is the usual reason for splitting, this advice means merely that you can split them whenever you need to (Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th ed., 1136).
I think all the split infinitives in my thesis came when I was preoccupied with the order of the words in the Hebrew text I was translating. "Folk belief about grammar!" Enough of this needless shame!
My ride with Lance
I was thinking the other day after the Tour de France ended about how my life has parallelled Lance Armstrong's cycling career in several ways. I first got into cycling during middle school, about the year 1990, when Lance first came on the scene as a top amateur. He turned pro after a disappointing showing in the 1992 Olympics, which were a few months after a wreck ended my dreams and plans of racing my bike, at least for a few years. He did not have success at first, finishing last in his first race. I guess he recovered and learned better than I did, because within a year's time he was U.S. Champion, a Tour de France stage winner, and was about to win the World Championship road race. Things were not so well for me in 1993; I did not have many friends, but I got my first job.
In 1995 he was involved in one of the most dramatic but tragic Tours ever, when his teammate Fabio Cassartelli died in a crash and Lance dedicated a stage win to him a few days later. That was nevertheless a beautiful Tour, perhaps in part because I was in Spain at the time and only heard bits and pieces of what was going on. It made it even more dramatic and mysterious to me. Those were beautiful days.
In 1996 I saw him race in the Olympics in Atlanta shortly before he was diagnosed with cancer. Interestingly, this was during the time that my dad was being treated for cancer. I did not respond well to these sad events, nor to the end of Miguel Indurain's dominance of the Tour, and that coupled with some misdirected religious zeal to cause me to renounce my interest in cycling. I trashed my massive collection of old bike magazines (actually I think I recycled them), and I did not ride my bike again until the spring of 1998 (almost two years).
It was with great hesitation that I finally did get interested again, just as Lance was returning to competition, in the spring of '98. During that semester, I went on a few rides around campus of my college as my friend Craig ran. That summer, I followed the Tour a little bit (I forgot this until a year ago when I found that I had recorded the tv coverage). In 1999, I went on a ride or two on my old riding roads, and Lance winning the Tour renewed my interest there too. I even dared (with the encouragement of my friend Joel Fancey) to purchase a bike magazine. I had to set aside religious qualms about this in order to do so. In the summer of 2000, I was again eager to see the Tour, and was able to watch it some in the hotels where I was staying as I worked for Mr. Mosteller's playground company. I also followed in 2001, with heightened interest because of interaction with James and Anthony Birdsong, who was a long-time cycling fan. I had not ridden the bike since '99, I do not think, but that beautiful Tour inspired me to take it on a spin or two. I was still struggling with confusing religious compulsions, though, and when they came on to set aside the bike, I did that fearfully.
In the summer of 2002, the assistant brainshrinker encouraged me to allow myself the pleasure of riding my bike. I did it, even though it was difficult and guilt-inducing at first. This is I guess where the parallel to Lance breaks down; I did not take up cycling again steadily until four years after his return from cancer. But then it picks up again, as I have been riding consistently for the past three years, just as Lance has been riding into history.
Now comes his retirement, and in a week and a couple of days, my first real job. Not that my previous jobs have all been bad, but that they have not been what I wanted to do long-term. And this is what I want to do long term. So just as Lance has left cycling, it seems that I am leaving childhood, or adolescence, or "the nest," or whatever you may call it. I hope I do not crash.
In 1995 he was involved in one of the most dramatic but tragic Tours ever, when his teammate Fabio Cassartelli died in a crash and Lance dedicated a stage win to him a few days later. That was nevertheless a beautiful Tour, perhaps in part because I was in Spain at the time and only heard bits and pieces of what was going on. It made it even more dramatic and mysterious to me. Those were beautiful days.
In 1996 I saw him race in the Olympics in Atlanta shortly before he was diagnosed with cancer. Interestingly, this was during the time that my dad was being treated for cancer. I did not respond well to these sad events, nor to the end of Miguel Indurain's dominance of the Tour, and that coupled with some misdirected religious zeal to cause me to renounce my interest in cycling. I trashed my massive collection of old bike magazines (actually I think I recycled them), and I did not ride my bike again until the spring of 1998 (almost two years).
It was with great hesitation that I finally did get interested again, just as Lance was returning to competition, in the spring of '98. During that semester, I went on a few rides around campus of my college as my friend Craig ran. That summer, I followed the Tour a little bit (I forgot this until a year ago when I found that I had recorded the tv coverage). In 1999, I went on a ride or two on my old riding roads, and Lance winning the Tour renewed my interest there too. I even dared (with the encouragement of my friend Joel Fancey) to purchase a bike magazine. I had to set aside religious qualms about this in order to do so. In the summer of 2000, I was again eager to see the Tour, and was able to watch it some in the hotels where I was staying as I worked for Mr. Mosteller's playground company. I also followed in 2001, with heightened interest because of interaction with James and Anthony Birdsong, who was a long-time cycling fan. I had not ridden the bike since '99, I do not think, but that beautiful Tour inspired me to take it on a spin or two. I was still struggling with confusing religious compulsions, though, and when they came on to set aside the bike, I did that fearfully.
In the summer of 2002, the assistant brainshrinker encouraged me to allow myself the pleasure of riding my bike. I did it, even though it was difficult and guilt-inducing at first. This is I guess where the parallel to Lance breaks down; I did not take up cycling again steadily until four years after his return from cancer. But then it picks up again, as I have been riding consistently for the past three years, just as Lance has been riding into history.
Now comes his retirement, and in a week and a couple of days, my first real job. Not that my previous jobs have all been bad, but that they have not been what I wanted to do long-term. And this is what I want to do long term. So just as Lance has left cycling, it seems that I am leaving childhood, or adolescence, or "the nest," or whatever you may call it. I hope I do not crash.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Unemployment
I have come to the end of another school year, and like the past six or so, that means I am in transition again, looking for a job. I have a Master's Degree, and I expected to be more established by now, and I am sure the people at the Dry Cleaner are confused when I turn in an application listing my academic experience to them so I can get a minimum wage job. Today, after finding out that the job I was inquiring about at a T-shirt printing business had been filled, I actually thought of posting an ad somewhere offering my services studying and teaching the Bible in the original languages for an hourly fee. I have seen jokes and cartoons around my college and seminary to that effect (will parse verbs for food), but today was the first time I actually thought it seriously. I wonder if people in my church would pay me to study the Bible for them and tell them what I find, or lead their family devotions for a day now and then, or once a week. I guess this is what I get when I have degrees in Bible and Biblical Languages and Old Testament. They are not exactly practical. But I do not think I would go back and change what I have studied; I have learned too much and grown as a person too much. If I had gone another way, and studied geography in college (like I thought to do during my senior year of high school), I might just as well be lamenting the impracticality of such a degree, or some other bothersome circumstance. It is not that bad; God provides everything I need. I have not gone hungry yet, nor have I had to sleep under a bridge, nor have I even been close to such measures.
I am looking for a job teaching the Bible in a Christian school for next year, and something to pay the bills for the summer. The trouble is that the Christian schools do not seem to be working out, and the summer jobs seem kind of humiliating and demeaning. There are forms of labor that I do not mind, but I am not interested in food service, and I do not do well with outdoor manual labor positions such as painting, construction, or landscaping. I love to work in my own yard, or in my parents', but not commercial work. I get easily discouraged and assume the worst about situations like this. Maybe I am being too personal in this, but I thought I should revive my blog.
I am looking for a job teaching the Bible in a Christian school for next year, and something to pay the bills for the summer. The trouble is that the Christian schools do not seem to be working out, and the summer jobs seem kind of humiliating and demeaning. There are forms of labor that I do not mind, but I am not interested in food service, and I do not do well with outdoor manual labor positions such as painting, construction, or landscaping. I love to work in my own yard, or in my parents', but not commercial work. I get easily discouraged and assume the worst about situations like this. Maybe I am being too personal in this, but I thought I should revive my blog.
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